Forest Exploration 101
by Athelstan
Summary: Pure crack. Fill for a prompt on LJ's community "makinghugospin". T for drug use.


**Oh god don't look at me. This is a fill for one of the prompts on the makinghugospin community on LJ. Anon wanted amis eating magic mushrooms and getting lost in the woods.  
**

Forest Exploration 101  


"This was a _really _bad idea guys!" Joly whispered anxiously, wringing his hands together. Darkness was falling over the forest quickly, and two of the other boys looked around nervously.

"Don't be such a whiner, Joly. It's gonna be fine." Grantaire said, lighting the cigarette that was hanging out of his mouth. He dug around in his jacket pocket and produced a bag of brown, shrivelled mushrooms.

"Are you sure this is safe, Grantaire?" Bossuet asked, looking over his shoulder in the direction they had come from.

"It's safe as houses, my dear Eagle." Grantaire assured him, clapping him on the back.

"If it was safe, Combeferre would be here." Bossuet pointed out.

"Ah, my dear friend. Combeferre wanted to come along, but he was cursed with a bout of the flu!" Grantaire chuckled. "It's safe, Bossuet. No worries."

Enjolras rolled his eyes from his perch, a moss covered stump. Grantaire shot him the bird and opened up the bag. He cocked a brow at Bahorel, who had no inhibitions whatsoever, and shook the bag. Bahorel snorted derisively and plucked a mushroom out of the bag. He popped it into his mouth and began to chew. R smirked and offered the bag to Jehan, who took a small one and delicately placed it on his tongue. Courfeyrac dug his hand into the bag with a radiant smile and chewed the fungi up with apparent relish. Feuilly was next in line, and he grabbed two. Bossuet, reassured by the soft smile on Grantaire's face, took one. Joly, who would do anything Bossuet did, followed his actions. Marius was last in line and he tentatively peered into the bag.

"Will I get hurt?" He asked Grantaire, his big green eyes wide with apprehension.

"Not if you stick by me, Pontmercy." Grantaire gave the boy his biggest grin. He offered Marius the bag, and the younger man took one hesitantly. R squeezed his shoulder as he walked by, his eyes fixed on Enjolras. He stood before Enjolras' stump, swept his hat off and gave him a slight bow.

"Apollo," R's teeth flashed white in the dark. "Will you be joining us?"

Enjolras rolled his eyes again and gave an aloof huff. "If you think I would engage in such childish, and not to mention illegal behaviour, you are sorely mistaken."

Grantaire swung down onto the stump and threw an arm around Enjolras. "Oh, come on, Apollo! Loosen up a little! Get that giant stick out of your ass and relax."

Enjolras' lips thinned into a tight line as he gently extracted himself from under Grantaire's arm. "No, thank you. I'm here to make sure you idiots don't get yourselves into trouble."

"Ugh, Enjolras! Stop being such a square!" Bahorel's voice boomed from somewhere above. The blonde looked up to see the large man straddling a tree branch.

"If you fall and break your neck, I'm not calling an ambulance." Enjolras called. He turned his gaze back to Grantaire, whose blue eyes were twinkling under his curly mop of hair.

"It won't hurt you to just have a night of fun, Apollo." R said softly. "Even the greatest leaders need to take a break."

Enjolras sighed. He couldn't believe he was listening to _Grantaire_. "You're sure this is safe?"

"Again, my Apollo, safe as anything. You don't really think I'd put my friends in danger do you?" Grantaire raised his brows.

"You _did _drive them home drunk one time." Enjolras grumbled under his breath. "Fine. Hit me."

Grantaire smiled and opened up the bag. Enjolras fished out a smaller piece and sighed before putting it in his mouth. R's smile grew wider as he stuffed a mushroom in his mouth.

* * *

"Man, my mouth is really dry. Have you got anything to drink?" Feuilly asked Bahorel, who was lying beside him, staring up at the stars.

"Dude…dude…lookit the sky…so pretty." The large man lifted his arms off the ground in a vain attempt to touch the sky. His fingers opened and closed, his deep giggles resounding in the small clearing. Jehan and Courfeyrac were also lying on the ground, but they were cuddled up against each other. Bossuet was sitting at the base of a tree with his arms wrapped around it, sighing softly and calling it Musichetta. Joly had enterprisingly decided to climb the Musichetta tree, but was now whimpering softly as he clung to the branch with his arms and legs. Grantaire had brought a sketchpad with him, and was sitting on the stump that Enjolras had vacated and was drawing the scene before him. Marius had gone off to "stand watch" with Enjolras. None of the others stopped to think that sending the two guys who have never taken drugs out to watch would be a bad idea.

Suddenly, Marius and Enjolras crashed through the underbrush, panting and dirty.

"We gotta get out of here! The park ranger is coming!" Marius whined breathlessly. The other boys sprang up and began to run pell-mell in every direction. Except for Joly, who was still stuck in the tree.

"Guys? Guys? Don't leave me here!" He yelled after them, his voice cracking. "There could be bears!"

Bahorel and Feuilly decided to go due north, but unfortunately ran into the swamp and got stuck.

"Goddamnit, Feuilly, help me!" Bahorel hissed, trying to pull his foot out, but only succeeding in removing his foot from his boot.

"I can't do anything either, assface!" Feuilly snarled. Bahorel wobbled on one leg and then pitched forward. At the last second, he grabbed Feuilly's ponytail.

"Ouch! You fuck! That hurts!" He yelled at Bahorel, who was now face down in the mud. A light crested over the hill and shone onto the two men.  
"You delinquents! Come here!" A low voice yelled.

"Uh, Mr. Ranger?" Feuilly answered. "We're stuck."

* * *

Courfeyrac and Jehan had chosen to go east, towards the small ravine. They had trampled through three miles of brush before stopping in a little gully to catch their breath.

"D'you think we lost him?" Courf panted as he tried to make the earth stop shaking.

"I think so." Jehan slurred. His mouth had gone slack and saliva was running down his chin at an alarming rate. Courfeyrac let out a long breath and grabbed Jehan's hand.

"Come on. We don't want to get caught, so let's circle back around to the car."

Jehan nodded and allowed himself to be dragged by Courfeyrac. The stumbled over roots and tripped on vines, but eventually they were within sight of the parking lot.

"Stop! Stop at once, you imbeciles!" A voice sounded behind them. Jehan and Courf turned around, only to be face to face with the park ranger. His nametag said "Javert".

"You little devils! What are you doing crashing around my park this late in the evening?" He yelled at them, spit flying from his lips.

"We…we were uh…" Courfeyrac couldn't form the right words, and just started giggling. "Ja_vert?_ Does that mean you can be Ja_bleu _or Ja_rouge_?"

Jehan started giggling as well, causing the drool to slide down his chin faster.

"You! You insolent little-!" Javert grabbed both of them by their jacket collars and hauled them onto the tarmac. Feuilly and Bahorel, who had been painstakingly extracted from the mud, were leaning against the car looking sour. Joly was there as well, but he was sitting on the ground with his head between his knees. Javert shoved Jehan and Courf towards the other two, and with an abrupt about-face, stalked back into the woods.

* * *

Enjolras, Bossuet, Grantaire and Marius were all hiding underneath one of the foot bridges. Marius could hardly contain his excitement about the clay-like mud that they were lying in.

"Guys have you _felt_ this mud? It feels like what an angel would feel like."

"Marius! Shut up! I don't want to get caught!" Bossuet hissed at him.

"Oh Bossuet, we aren't going to get caught! We're invisible! See? I could make a lot of noise and no one would find us!"

"Marius, no!" Enjolras tried to clap a hand over Marius' mouth, but the other boy just sunk his teeth into the blonde's hand. Enjolras howled in pain.

"You shit! That hurt!"

"That's why you should never try to silence the great Marius Pontmercy!" Marius shrieked, his voice echoing.

"Mario Pompadour! Shut the fuck up!" Grantaire whisper-yelled.

A light shone through the slats of the footbridge. Park ranger Javert was standing above them.

"Hello, boys."

Marius screamed.

* * *

All nine of the boys sat in the park ranger's office, glumly holding onto their tickets. Javert looked satisfied. He was even whistling as he filled out the reports.

* * *

**Oh god please don't judge me.**

**-Paige x**


End file.
